Warning!
Before you explore this site any further, please take note. If you
suspect your internet activity is being tracked by an abuser, you may want to
learn how to Clear your Computer's History Cache.
Your computer will record the last 10 pages you've visited on the internet,
and if someone is tracking your activity by reviewing your computer's history
file, you will want to delete the evidence of where you've been.
Some people think that domestic violence is only severe physical battering, but that is only one facet of the spectrum of abuse that is considered domestic violence.
Domestic Violence, or Intimate Partner Violence, is defined as the pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, and mental/psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion, that adults or adolescents use against their intimate partners.
If you have a sexual relationship or a past sexual history with someone, they are considered an intimate partner. If that person regularly tries to control your actions, behavior, and thoughts, then they are abusing their power and control over you.
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| Click to view a larger version of this graphic. |
| Click to view a Creator based version of this model. |
| Click here to view the Equality Wheel. |
Power and Control Wheel
The Power and Control Wheel, developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, (Duluth, MN) is a visual aide to demonstrate the dynamics of power and control in abusive relationships.
At the center of the behavior is the desire of an individual to maintain power and control of their partner, and of the relationship. While each individual abuser will use different methods to assert their power and control, there tends to be many common traits of abusive behavior. These common traits include: emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, isolation, intimidation, using gender privilege, threats, and manipulating children or other people.
Surrounding these common traits, or patterns of behavior, is the overall threat or actual use of physical force to coerce compliance, and to keep the victim in a constant state of terror and fear.
This pattern of behavior takes place in a Cycle
of Violence. The violence cycles through a repeating pattern, and often
and gets worse over time.
1) Psychological
& Emotional Abuse
Putting you down or making you feel bad about yourself, calling you names. Implying
no one else would want you/put up with you. Telling you that you are too "ugly,
stupid or weak" to make other choices. Telling you details about other
partners/sexual affairs for the purpose of intimidating you or making you jealous
and angry. Making you feel guilty. Blaming you for things not in your control.
Making you think you're crazy, or that you are imagining things. Setting rules
for your behavior, dress, and conduct. Mind games. Yelling. Stalking. Leaving
harrassing messages on the phone, or calling in the middle of the night and
hanging up.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT
CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS CLICK HERE.
2) Using
Isolation
Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, where you go, what you read.
Limiting your outside involvement. Limiting or cutting off your access to friends
or relatives. Using jealousy to justify actions. Stalking your movements by
checking the car odometer and/or timing you when you run errands to make sure
you do not go anywhere you do not "have permission" to go.
3) Intimidation
Putting you in fear by using looks, actions, gestures, loud voice, smashing
things, destroying your property. Abusing pets. Displaying weapons. Deliberately
frightening you. Telling you ways that you or your loved ones could die.
4) Minimizing,
Denial & Blame
Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously. Saying
the abuse didn't happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior to you.
Putting blame for abusive behavior on other people, drugs and/or alcohol, work,
stress, external circumstances.
5) Economic
Abuse
Trying to keep you from getting or keeping a job. Refusing to get a job, forcing
you to be the only financial contributor to the family. Making you ask for money,
giving you an allowance, taking your money. Using money for personal pleasure
(gambling, buying expensive things, buying drugs); not using money for necessary
things (paying rent, buying groceries, paying for medical expenses) Putting
you in financial risk (running up large debts, not paying taxes.) Not letting
you know about, or have access to, family income or assets.
6) Sexual
Abuse
Raping you. Making you do sexual acts against your will. Physically attacking
the sexual parts of your body. Treating you like a sex object. Forcing you to
have sex when you do not want it. Persistently pressuring for sex, forcing sex
in front of others, with children or third parties. Forcing you into prostitution.
Trying to coerce you into sex by threat or intimidation. Telling you that you
"owe" sexual favors. Forcing you to have unprotected sex against your
will. Knowingly exposing you to sexually transmitted diseases. Lying about birth
control, sexually transmitted diseases, or sterility/fertility.
7) Using
Children
Making you feel guilty about the children. Using the children to give messages
or as "spies" to report your actions to the batterer. Using visitation
as a way to harass you. Telling the children you are a "bad parent"
or calling you names in front of them. Telling children false or misleading
stories intended to make you look bad and uncaring. Threatening to hurt them
if you do not comply with batterer's wishes. Abusing the children.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT
CHILD ABUSE, CLICK HERE.
8) Using
Coercion and Threats
Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you. Threatening
to stop economic support, leave, take the children, commit suicide, report you
to welfare or immigration. Making you drop legal charges or do illegal things.
Threatening to have you fired from your job or kicked out of your apartment/home.
In homosexual relationships, threatening to "out" you to others. Stalking
you.
9) Gender
Privilege - Unequal Balance of Power
Treating you like a servant. Making all the big decisions. Not respecting or
asking for your opinion. Acting like the "master of the castle." Telling
you that you must do what you are told and not ask questions. Being the one
to define the balance of power and the partner roles in the relationship.
10) Spiritual
Abuse
Not allowing you to have or maintain your own spiritual belief system. Forbidding
you to attend church or religious gatherings. Ridiculing your beliefs and keeping
you away from your source of spiritual strength. Forcing you to attend a church
you do not agree with. Threatening to have you excommunicated. Manipulating
a pastor, church counselor, or spiritual leader to provide joint marriage counseling
to force you to "confess your sins" without taking accountability
on the abuser's part or admitting to the abuse. Justifying abuse by stating
that is it religious law, sanctioned by the church or church officials, or "God's
will."
FOR
MORE INFORMATION ABOUT SPIRITUAL ABUSE CLICK HERE.
11) Physical
Abuse
Punching, kicking, grabbing, slapping, choking, pulling hair, pushing, shoving,
spitting, poking, hitting, pinching, twisting arms, tripping, biting, beating,
throwing you down, restraining, burning, threatening you with or using a weapon
against you, shaking, controlling or denying access to health/medical care resources.
Making you use alcohol or drugs.
- Power and Control Wheel adapted from Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
206 West Fourth Street, Duluth, Minnesota 55806
Do
you want to get out of an abusive relationship?
Or do you just want to know more about domestic violence?
If you or someone you know has experienced some or all of the abusive behaviors listed above, call your local domestic violence program. You can speak with an advocate who is familiar with domestic violence issues, and who can advise you on the safest way to protect you and your children from further abuse. If you have been assaulted or harmed by your spouse or partner, or if you have been a victim of sexual assault and need help, advice, legal referral or emergency shelter, call:
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HAVEN
From Domestic Violence 24 hour HAVEN Hotline |
| Helping
Hands Against Violence PO Box 441 Hood River, OR 97031 Office: 541-386-4808 Hotline: 541-386-6603 Collect calls accepted. Serving OREGON - Hood River County |
|
|
Programs
for Peaceful Living White Salmon 98672 |
|
| Skamania
County Council on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Serving WASHINGTON - Skamania County Hotline: 509-427-4210 Collect calls accepted. |
Love doesn't hurt. If someone is deliberately frightening you or hurting you, it isn't Love.
No
one deserves to be hurt!
Domestic violence is caused by the abuser, and not by anything the victim says
or does.
Other information:
Restraining Orders
Safety Plans
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
http://www.ndvh.org/
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
P. O. Box 18749
Denver, CO 80218-0749
(303) 839-1852 / (303) 831-9251 FAX
http://www.ncadv.org
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP)
206 West Fourth Street,
Duluth, Minnesota 55806
(218) 722-2781
http://www.duluth-model.org/daipmain.htm
Mending the Sacred Hoop
202 East Superior Street
Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-2781
http://www.duluth-model.org/daipmain.htm
Native American model - Creator
Wheel
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