Children and Domestic Violence

Children are often described as the 'forgotten victims' of Domestic Violence. Children are affected not only by directly witnessing abuse, but also by living in an environment where their mother - usually the main caregiver - is being repeatedly victimised. Children in a home where the mother is being abused are also at greater risk of being abused themselves, or being used to control their mother. Due to his own lack of self-worth the abusive partner feels the need to control all those to whom he considers himself superior. In a family, this includes the children.

Child witnesses of Domestic Violence may experience one or any of the following feelings:
1. Lack of self-esteem
2. Feelingsof helplessness, hopelessness
3. Self-blame, shame

The impact of Domestic Violence on children may be manifest in many ways, including:
1. Depression
2. Poor school attendance/achievement
3. Aggressive behaviors
4. Alcohol and/or drug use
5. Episodes of running away
6. Acting out sexually
7. Suicide/homicidal thoughts
8. Hyper-responsibility
(taking on the parental role)
9. Distrust of authority
10. Perfectionism
11. Passive Behavior (disappearing)
12. Stress-related illnesses
13. Attention-seeking behaviors
14. Hyper-vigilance

Physically assaulting your partner in front of your children is a crime! Oregon Law classifies this as Assault 4, which is a felony. In addition, it is considered Child Abuse under Oregon Law as “Threat of Harm.”

Witnessing Abuse

Children witness violence in the home in a number of different ways. They may see or hear the abusive episode, be used or even involved in the violence (eg the child may be in his mother's arms when she is hit), will experience the aftermath, and sense the tension in the build-up to the abuse. Even when the parents believe the children were unaware of what was happening, the children can often give detailed accounts of the events. As well as the physical violence often found in abusive relationships, the children will almost certainly be subjected to frequent emotional abuse of the mother in the form of name-calling, accusations and threats made by the abuser in their presence. As mentioned above, where the wife/partner is being abused, the children are also likely to be abused themselves. This is most true of emotional abuse, where the children's own self-esteem is battered by being shouted at, told they are stupid or are not trying hard enough, or given mixed messages by being favoured one moment and put-down the next. Quite apart from possible physical involvement or direct abuse, these emotionally damaging actions have a detremental and often long-lasting effect on the children.

"People throw around statistics saying that up to 70 or 80% of children of batterers are also abused. That statistic is wrong. EVERY child who witnesses abuse is a victim of abuse. As an abused child, and then as an adult trying to recover, I was far more affected by witnessing the abuse of my mother than I was by the abuse directed toward me." --Carlita

The Impact of Witnessing Abuse

Many children who witness the abuse of their mothers demonstrate significant behavioural and/or emotional problems including psychosomatic disorders, stuttering, anxiety and fears, sleep disruption, excessive crying and problems at school.

How your child or children will be affected depends on the individual child, their age and gender, how much they witness and whether or not they are personally involved in the abuse, their personality and support available to them. Although research in this field is still largely lacking, it is generally agreed that Domestic Violence or Abuse is highly relevant to the child's present and future well-being, and that there is a significant overlap with child abuse.

In brief, children may experience any of the following problems:

Emotional Problems: crying, anxiety and sadness, confusion, anger (which can be directed toward either parent or other children, etc), depression, suicidal behaviour, nightmares, fears and phobias. In younger children and babies eating and sleeping disorders are common. Children can also suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Behavioural Problems: aggression, becoming troublesome at home or at school, withdrawing into or isolating themselves, regressive behaviour (such as baby-talk, wanting bottles or dummies, etc), lower academic achievements.

Physical Problems: bed-wetting, nervous ticks, headaches or stomach aches, nausea or vomiting, eating disorders, insomnia.

Older children will often hold themselves responsible for the abuse, especially where exteme violence has been an issue. Children living in an abusive environment may also condone violence or the threat of violence to resolve conflict in relationships.

It has to be remembered that even in situations where the child is either not targeted directly with abuse or is 'only' witnessing abuse, it can lead to very serious psychological trauma with possible long-term effects, affecting not only the child's well-being during or shortly after the abuse, but affecting the child's ability to build and maintain healthy relationships in his/her adult life.

Read about PTSD in Children and Adolescents.
Read about PTDS in Adults.
Do you know when witnessing Domestic Violence becomes Child Abuse? Oregon has a "Threat of Harm" category in Child Abuse Law. Read about Child Abuse Reporting.

Source: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/children.htm

Everyone deserves a safe home!
Practice harmlessness in word, thought and deed with the ones you love!

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