Communicate means “to commune, to be one with each other.”

The 4 Cs of Communication

Acknowledgement creates an atmosphere of safety by validating the other person’s feelings. (It’s disarming and reduces the “heat.”)

1. Concentrate. For a few moments, set aside your feelings, your excuses, your explanations, your solutions and your side of the story so that you can pay full attention to what is being said.
2. Carefully listen. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
3. Confirm. Repeat what you hear without leaving anything out and without adding anything.
4. Clarify. Ask the other person if you have left anything out and if you have heard what they meant. If he/she clarifies a point, repeat that too.

“I Messages” are Powerful

1	Say what you observe. Keep it brief and factual. “When I see...” When I hear...”	NO blaming NO “you always” NO “you never” NO labels NO name-calling NO judging
2	Say what you feel. Keep it simple – true feelings only. “I feel sad.” “I feel mad!” “I feel glad!” “I feel scared.”	NO “you make me” NO “I feel that you” NO “I feel like it’s” NO “don’t feel that way”
3	Say what you want. What you want to see or feel. “I want a response.” “I want some acknowledgement.” “I want to see us...”	NO “so get over here and...” NO “so I want you to...” NO button-pushing NO hitting below the belt
4	Pause and let your silence invite a response. Listen – acknowledge. (if no response is forthcoming, return to step one.) “When I hear silence, I feel frustrated. I want a response.”	NO bossing others NO interrupting

“Together becoming all we can be.”

Try to remember that being "right" isn't always the ultimate goal.
Remember that most conflicts have deep roots. The problem at hand may be a mask for unresolved issues and feelings.
Try not to personalize the conflict. The core problem may not even have anything to do with you.
Ask yourself: is it more important that I prove myself right, or to be kind? Even if you are "right" and "win" the argument, you could still "lose" by leaving the other person feeling like you were ruthless and unyeilding. Showing the other person that you are willing to listen and be compassionate will often build relationships and produce greater results in the long run.
Know that if even a single person practices the 4 Cs of Communication, it can bring emotions back to a point where real dialogue and constructive action can take place.

Everyone deserves a safe home!
Practice harmlessness in word, thought and deed with the ones you love!

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